Flor and her Abusive Husband

                                       By Vic Odarve

Flor thought that she wore the best dress going to a Christmas party but to her dismay when her husband saw her, she was devastated. “If you go out dressed like that, I will not go to the party anymore. Go by yourself”, her husband warned her in an angry voice.   There was also a time that while she and the children were watching television late and it was a little loud because the volume button was not working well, her husband came out from his room and stared to the children and snapped his belt. The children ran to their room for they knew what it meant. Afterward, he leaned over Flor and said, “Don’t do that loud again or else…!?” Flor also revealed that when Max was drunk, he pushed her to the wall, and punched her in the face due to argument “A few years back, he nearly broke my arm and I suffered an excruciating pain over my body”, recalled Flor. 

Pulp and Paper Mill

Flor was a typical village girl born from a conservative and religious family. She met Max from one of the universities in Cebu through her cousin. The encounter blossomed into a romantic affair during her visit in their Max province of Bohol. Ultimately, they got married in 1978. She believed that Boholanos are always romantic, loving, and caring. She did not experience any abuse until she got wedded to Max. At the start, she thought that every marriage couple was having the same problem and can be resolved later in their relationship. But later, she experienced something unpleasant feeling against Max. She developed a feeling of hatred and scared while sleeping together in a bed.

 One day while working in a paper company as an office secretary, she felt having a heart problem. But after medical check -up, the doctor informed her a negative result. Thinking that it might be his working environment in a pulp and paper company as the culprit, she urged her husband to settle in the province at their parents’ house and left the company for good. Fortunately, her husband got a job in Saudi Arabia as an engineer, and she was left with her three sons at Max’s parent’s house

Flor - A Picture of Loneliness

 While Max was away, her traumatic experience constantly haunting her memory. Then one day in the year 1995 she met and confided everything to her lifelong friend Judith about her married life. It was then she learned that she has been verbally abuse by her husband. She also learned that she could file a case to her husband which carry a penalty of prison up to 10 years. It was then that she informed Max on everything about her action to live separately from that time on; otherwise, he would file a case and put him in prison. But because her youngest daughter still in schooling, she decided not to push through the case. The dreamy blue eyes of Max she loved to stare before now becomes a cold and sending daggers. 

Since then, every time her husband made a vacation, and until his retirement after 28 years working in Saudi Arabia, she had tried to avoid close meeting with each other. At present, Max lived in an extension room of their house managing their electrical hardware store and Flor at their main building together with their children. There was a time that he forced himself to enter the room, but Flor turned hysterical such that her youngest daughter came to her immediately. Max thought that she got lost her mind and did not do it again or else will be imprisoned.

Flor did not experience benefit dance

Almost ten years from now, both are avoiding seeing each other. Their children knew already. Although they remain in the same house, living under the same roof as husband and wife, even though both know that they do not feel as happy or loved as the couple must be. Now both are already seniors. Today, Max concentrates on his electrical business and staying at the stores (house extension) while Flor at their main house. With the help from her friend Gloria, Flor was able to work as one of the professional singers of the music bar in one of the establishments in the city and hope to enjoy the concluding remaining years of her life with her children. 

Likened to a world as one big prison yard, victims of marital abuse may suffer the long-term effects psychologically and sometimes physically. Because of traumatic experience, the relationship lost its original splendor while they were still a sweetheart and replaced by hurt and despair like the slings and arrows being hurled by each other. Obsessive, sadistic, abusive husbands have no place in our society, and whoever is doing it may end up in jail. 

Flor was one of the many women who stay married to unhappy husbands, abusive partners, indifferent men, and unloving spouses! It is painful and difficult. The Bible clearly described that the picture of the proper marital relationship is mutual, reciprocal, and all happiness involved are freely entered into by both partners.